Back in Denial

After the test on Friday and especially that night when the pain came back, I was totally facing my problems. On Saturday, when I was still feeling the aftershocks, it was hard to deny that something was definitely wrong and would need to be fixed. I even sent an email to various people I work with, warning them that I might be out at some point for surgery. Until now, I had only told Cindy, a teacher that I work pretty closely with, that I was even having problems.

Now I seem to be going back into denial, which is where I've been for weeks. This morning I started thinking that when I meet with the surgeon, he will probably say let's wait and see. Or he'll send me for an MRI and not find anything. He'll say that they just didn't wait long enough when they did the HIDA scan, and that's why it looked so bad.

My mind is playing tricks on me!

So now when I get a response to my email, I don't even want to read it. I don't want to think about it. Because I will probably have to take it back when I see the surgeon and he tells me everything is fine.